I really like the books:

How to make children mind without losing yours. by Kevin Leman

Dare to Discipline by James Dobson

Raising a Happy, unspoiled child by Burton White

I have a 7 yo, 2 yo and one due June 30. All boys! This is only a season, so even at it's ugliest, this too shall pass!

Hmmmm...my son is now 17 and my daughter 15, so it's been awhile since we were in that defiant young era of their lives.  I do recall their stubborness and ability to think on their own made me chuckle (behind the scenes) as they developed their own reasoning.  My bald 2 year old daughter would run down the hall and SLAM her door like a teenager when she didn't get her way.  But it was her time out and when the door reopened, her "mad-on" had gone away.  My 4 year old son quit wanting to kiss me or be kissed good night.  That one about killed me, but thankfully he eventually became "uncold" and kisses returned to our regimen.

A tactic I used ALL of the time as a mother of young ones was DIVERSION.  When the temper started to flare, I would quickly divert the activity in another direction entirely and leave the angry situation in the dust.  So if they were getting wiley at stacking blocks, I would act like I was in a hurry and grab them and say something like, "Hey!  What's going on outside?  I think I saw a bird trying to build a nest in the tree."  And then we would rush outside to look for birds in the trees and nests.  Which, hopefully, would get our minds off the mad-on and give us some fresh air to clear our minds from the pouty zone. 

I am a second grade teacher, so one of the things I've heard in seminars is to allow the children choices so that they feel as if they are in control.  The "no" word is their means of asserting control and decision making in their world.  So provide a choice or two.  "Do you want to wear your brown shoes or your black shoes today?" "Do you want to take your nap in fifteen minutes or twenty-two minutes?  You set the timer."  "Do you want to eat corn for your vegetable or carrots for your vegetable?"  "What is your choice?  Do you want to play on the trampoline for 15 minutes or go to the park for 15 minutes?"

As for the bowel control, provide a "carrot" to dangle in front of your son.  I lured Rhett with a longed for toy/game  when he succeeded in his potty training.  So show your babe what he will get if he is diaper free...a picture on the frig or his door.  When he reaches his goal, have the present on hand, wrapped and ready to celebrate his "big boy" hurdle!

Overall, this challenging stage is very short.  My challenging toddlers are now 17 and 15.  My son is vying for valedictorian, just was inducted into National Honor Society, and recently received his ACT score of a 32.  So look at those will power moments as signs of intelligence and the growth of  reasoning skills.  My door slamming daughter still gets angry easily, but she is musical (just won a superior on her vocal duet at district and state music festival), creative (has been in every single drama production to hit our school), and has oodles of friends.  

To make a long story longer, you are in the SHORTEST era of your child's growth.  You will be walking him into school before you can turn around.  And then he'll be rounding the bend into Jr. High.  And then, suddenly, high school.  I am in SHOCK that mine are already there.  I am trying to give them wings to fly, buy me oh my, my Mommy heart is in sorrow that my time with them so near is almost over.

There was a song I heard on the radio from Cher years ago:  "Where are you going, my little one, little one?  Where are you going my baby, my own?  Turn around, and you're 2, turn around, and you're 4, turn around, and you're a young man walking out of the door.  Turn around, and you're tiny, turn around, and you're grown, turn around and you're a young man/wife with babes of your own."

Enjoy it all!

Sally Jean

    Sally Jean

Thank you both for your reply, I will keep those things in mind. It is getting better and most days he makes me laugh as I'm seeing his independence grow; however, some days are a true test! Thank you both!

Alaina

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“Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you!"
Matthew 7:7

Everyone warned me about the terrible twos before we made it there. So I was worried but 2 came and went with my first and 3 was a breeze, so I thought I dodged that stage! Oh No once she hit 4 it seemed to be a nightmare. "Frustrating Fours" my mom said. Our second didn't hit that stage til later 2 almost 3. I agree that "diversion" method works if you can mentally manage.  We have tried just about everything and with each of our girls something different works. Our 5 year old, we have to let run to her room, shut the door and have her break down if she needs to. However I struggle with the idea of "it being okay" to slam the door. So I try to tell her she may go to her room and throw a fit where we can't hear but Not to Slam the door. When she's done we talk about it. Depending on her mood, she may get a time out which works well for her too. OUr youngest on the other hand 9 times out 10 forgets about the attitude/tantrum with a little distraction or silly humor. Time outs don't work for her anymore.  Each child is different and I guess we  keep trying different things til we find out what works for each. Good luck and remember it is a phase that will pass! He is learning how to express himself and test the boundries all in the same! In regards to potty training, with boys, I don't have any suggestions from experience but I have heard of putting cherrios or fruit loops in the potty and have them "aim" for the cereal. With our girls I taped a sticker chart above their potty. For each time they went in the potty they received a sticker (# 2's received 2 stickers) Once they went potty 10 times I took them to Dairy Queen or McDonalds for Icecream or they received $1 to go to the Dollar Store to pick out what ever they wanted. It really worked. Our oldest was potty trained right at 2. So I started just as early with Sarah, but she was completely different. I stopped and started trying again just before her 3rd birthday. And in a matter of two weeks she had it down. It's completley normal for them to still have accidents when they are playing. My 5 year old still waits til the very last minute sometimes because she doesn't want to stop what she's doing.

ThankfulMomof2!

Hang on to your hat, honey. Four is worse.

Todders don't have the communication skills to tell you when they are mad, so they have a temper tantrum and get out their anger.  When he does this....acknowledge that he is mad (you are really mad, aren't you? Tell me why you are mad).  Look him in the eyes, put your arms tight around him and tell him he must calm down or have a consequence.  Remain calm.  Read him books to help to help him understand the appropriate way to handle anger http://astore.amazon.com/wwwcjkidzcom3-20?node=22&page=1

Also arm yourself with knowledge as suggested in the other post.  I've heard Parenting with Love and Logic is good.  That book and the books mentioned in the other post are here http://astore.amazon.com/wwwcjkidzcom3-20?%5Fencoding=UTF8&node=15 Read the review to see which most appeals to you.

momjs 

CJKidz, www.cjkidz.com  We're all about kids and family!

I know how you feel. I have a 3 year old and a soon to be 2 year old. My 3 year old is testing me every day. It is the same way the only way to get his att. is to get ugly, but then I hate myself for it, thinking that I should be a better mom but not sure how to go about it. My sister suggested that I egnore(sp?) him to a point. If he does not get a reaction maybe he will stop. We shall see. As for the potty training, Iread a book that says if you have three days to commet then you should stay with him for those three days and let him wear only his underware. If he starts to go then rush him into the bathroom.  Keep him with you at all times so that you can catch him in the act. Rewards are also helpfull. Maybe a piece of paper that he can put stickers on for everyday that he does not have an accedent, then at the end of the week maybe a prize like a toy that he wants or something.

myboysandme

Terrible Two's NO SUCH thing!!!

This is the age where they are learning they are actually a person, and are merely showing their independence. I raised 5 and had no issues ... they need their 'love cup' filled every day -

Are you a working mommie? Sometimes they act out the fact that you leave them every day by throwing things, hitting mommie and being defiant. Try to discern what your child is actually telling you, through their actions -

Spend as much one-on-one time with them... and they will feel valued and you will be able to get them to do anything you want them to - it worked for me -

Add to his - I was widowed young and did it alone. I'll reply to any and all emails ... Julie4Him@hotmail.com 

Julie